A Missionary Story

Hey y’all! So I recently read this short story written by a young missionary girl and I thought I would share it. It’s a little long, but bear with me here…..it’s worth it….trust me! (and there might be a little surprise at the end too)




"I grew up in a Christian home. I guess you could say that I was riding a church bus since before I was born. Church and ministry were my life and I loved it! I wanted to use my life for God’s glory and I surrendered myself for whatever the Lord had planned for me. But that’s when the Lord called my family to the mission field.  I was so excited about serving the Lord in another country and being a witness for Him. (plus, I got the title of “Missionary Kid”….how cool is that, right?!). This was going to be a piece of cake. I mean, all the books I read talked about all the people flocking to hear about Jesus, so it would be the same where we were going, right? 
After being on deputation for three years, and then language school for another two years, the day finally came for us to head to the mission field. Boy, were we excited! We unpacked our things and settled into the missionary life. But then something happened….or should I say that nothing happened. Where were all the people flocking around, ready to hear about God? Where were the little children eagerly waiting for Sunday School? Reality sunk in; it was not at all like I expected. Don't get me wrong....we did see people saved and lives changed, but we were the first missionaries bringing the Gospel there and we knew that Satan wasn't going to give up his territory without a fight. 
After a little while, I started changing inside. I let the hardships get to me. I had no friends. I didn’t fully know the language. I was quickly gaining weight and “stress-eating”. I started letting myself get bitter about the mission field. I started a habit that I regret. Don’t get me wrong….some people would look at my habit and think, “Well…that’s not that bad. That’s not near as bad as drinking or doing drugs.” But for me, it was something very important and something that I struggled with on a daily basis. For lack of better words, I hated it there. I hated the culture, the language, the loneliness of having no friends. People there made fun of my weight and inability to speak their language. And to make matters worse, I shared my thoughts and feelings with no one. I kept it all bottled up inside and didn’t even share my heart with those closest to me. 
If you could glance at one of the days in my life there, you would see me sitting on my bed, sobbing, angry, and crying out to God, “I hate it here. Why did you have to bring us to this place? I do not want to be here! Just get me out of here!” I begged God to take me away and to do anything to take me back to the place that I loved and back to my “home”. 
He answered. He answered with one word. Health. Not my health…but the health of my mom’s. She was sent back to the U.S. to see American doctors. I’ll never forget the day that she called my Dad and told him that the doctors thought she had cancer. I’ll also never forget seeing my Dad standing over the counter and sobbing after the phone call. And I’ll never forget the words that ran through my mind, “It’s all my fault.” 
We all went back to the States and the doctor’s report came back. The cancer was gone! The Lord answered our prayers in a miraculous way! But the journey wasn’t over yet, there was still something wrong with my mom’s health and there was no possible way that we could return to the mission field. 
Even though I was back in the place that I had begged God for, I struggled with guilt because I knew that this all happened because of me. I still never shared my feelings and guilt with anyone. Whenever I prayed and talked to God about my future, I would say something like, “Lord, I have surrendered my life to you. I will be anything you want me to be. I will go anywhere you want me to go. But Lord, I will never ever go back to that place again. Don’t send me there.” I knew in my heart that it wasn’t full surrender, but honestly, I didn’t care. I thought that I was ok because I had at least surrendered a part of my life to Him. 
It was at a teen camp one year that the conviction started getting to me. I remember the preacher standing up on the platform and preaching on the topic of surrender. He started saying that we need to start surrendering everything to the Lord. And not just the little things, but the bigger dreams and desires too. Then at the invitation time, I remember standing there and watching my knuckles go white as I refused to let go of the pew. Then the preacher said these words, “God cannot use you unless you are fully surrendered to Him.” I remember the tears building up as I knew I couldn’t go on without letting go of everything I had been dealing with. That night, I walked the aisle and I fully surrendered everything, yes, every part of me. I gave Him my guilt and my shame. I gave Him my burdens and the bitterness that I let inside. I let the Lord take control of my life again, and it was the best feeling ever!
 I went home and shared everything with my parents. I wanted them to know what I was going through. And then I realized, that it wasn’t my fault that Mom got sick. It was all in God’s plan. God used that to bring us to where we are now, planting a church and sharing the Gospel. But I also knew that because of my attitude and bitterness on the mission field, I had missed out on so many blessings that the Lord had planned for me! And who knows how many more people would have come to know Christ if I had just fully surrendered and been content right where I was. 
Right now, if the Lord called me back there, I would go. I don’t know how the Lord will use my life in the future, but I do know that I will go wherever He has me to go. I now can sing that famous hymn, “I Surrender All” and truly mean it with my whole heart."






I hope you enjoyed that story! As the author wrote in her true story, "God will not bless you unless you fully surrender to Him." How true is that, right?!

 But I have a little secret for you…..you know the girl in the story? The main character that struggled with surrender and bitterness?


Well that girl….....................…is me.


I’ve been praying about whether or not I should post this. Honestly, it is embarrassing and heartbreaking sharing how I acted and how I let Satan have the victory in my life. But if my testimony can be an example and a help to any other missionary girls out there that are struggling, then that is my goal.
If you are a missionary kid, like I was, then don’t make the same mistakes I did. I know it’s hard. I know that the culture and the people are different. But don’t give up! Be content right where you are. Lean on your family and the Lord for strength. Find ways to be a blessing to others and grow in your relationship with the Lord. Don’t let the hardships and pressures of missionary life bring you down. It’s not worth it! Think of all the blessings you will miss out on if you let anger build up in your heart. Let God use you right where you are now.
If you are not a missionary, but know a missionary family out there, I want you to know how hard it can be for them. They might not have any friends and they might be missing the home and pleasures of America. You don’t know what they are going through right now. Most people don’t realize how tough it is for missionaries. Yes, it is really hard on the parents, but it is just equally as hard for the kids too. Do you know what one of my favorite memories are of when we were on the mission field? It was when we would get letters in the mail from my friends back home. We would all sit around the table and read them out loud. That’s what kept us going. If you know a missionary kid, then write to them. It will brighten their day and it will be a great way for you to encourage them and let them know that you are praying for them. Encourage them to “stick with the stuff” and not to give up on what God has in store for them.

I hope this post was a blessing and encouragement to you! And I hope I didn’t scare you away from the missionary life!! :) Being in the center of God’s will is the best thing ever! And the blessings that come with being a missionary are amazing. I am closer to my family than I have ever been before and through it all, I became closer to the Lord too.
Thanks for reading!