The Biblical Approach to Finding a Mate (Part 4)
I realized that in my last post, I never truly defined the difference between dating and courting. Yes, we found out that dating is the world's way and courting is God's way....but what is the difference? There is a book called The 7 Royal Laws of Courtship (that is where my brother got the main theme for his message) and this book gives an amazing definition for both. Let's take a look at them, shall we? ;)
"Courting is developing a relationship with an individual in the safety of a group. Dating involves a couple isolating themselves from others and thus leaving themselves open to temptation."
So let's move on to rule number 2......
2) By the grace of almighty God, I will arrive at the marriage altar morally pure.
If you were like me, you were asking yourself the question, "What does it mean to be morally pure??" I'm glad you asked! :) Morally pure means to be pure physically, emotionally, and mentally.
There are a lot of sub-points to rule #2, so we are going to look at a few of those.
A: Make a vow to the Lord and to your authority. There is absolutely nothing wrong with making a vow to God and to your parents that you are going to stay pure. In fact, it's a really good thing! Many people have heard of a purity/promise ring. This is something special between a girl and her parents (specifically the dad and the daughter). My dad did this for me. I made a vow to my parents and to God to stay pure until my wedding day. On my 14th birthday, Dad took me out to eat and gave me a promise ring as a symbol of the commitment I had made. Every time I look at this ring on my hand, I remember my promise to stay pure.
B: The first battleground of purity is fought in the mind. All throughout the Bible, there are verses upon verses that talk about how deceitful and wicked our hearts are. In order to protect our hearts, we must guard our eye-gates. What are you letting into your life that is destroying your mental purity? Is it movies? Books? Internet? Guard your eye-gates!! Don't let Satan have the victory in this area of your life.
C: Institute a firm "NO-TOUCH" rule. I can't stress the importance of this enough. As I have said in one of my earlier posts....one step always leads to another. It always starts with a little touching of the fingers, which leads to hand-holding, and so forth. A "no-touch" rule is so crucial in any relationship. You don't want to do something that you will regret later. Until the day you say "I do", there is still a chance that that person might not be the one for you. And trust me, you want to save every "first" for the man/woman that you marry. If you hold hands now, and break it off later, you will regret not saving that hand for the One. If you kiss now, and break it off later, you will regret not saving that kiss for the One. If you hug now, and break it off later, you will regret not saving that hug for the One. And...as my brother said in his message, "Stop touching other people's husbands/wives!!"
D: Never place yourself in a situation that can compromise your purity, never be alone.
Whoa! Did I just say never be alone??? Yes!! I sure did. This may be a "shocker" to some people, but it is so so important.
Look at Romans 13:14, "But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof." Make not provision for the flesh....that is so true! If we don't give our flesh an opportunity to sin, then it makes it less likely for us to sin! If we don't get alone in the car with a boy, then you will be less likely to kiss that same boy later when it gets "dark and cozy". As we said in the definitions earlier, Dating is developing a relationship by isolation and pushing the boundaries. I have made a rule for my life, that I will never be alone with a guy (until I'm married, of course). Now, I am not saying that I can never have a conversation with just a guy. I just always want to be in the sight of someone else. There is a difference between simply walking around the driveway or sitting on the porch, then driving alone in a car or going on dates alone. Make a rule to always be in the sight of someone else.
E: Understand the importance of properly timing and pacing the relationship.
F: Have a plan and stick to it.
3) By the grace of almighty God, I will arrive at the marriage altar prepared to fulfill my responsibilities as a spouse.
This goes back to what we said about how this is a time to prepare Young men, you can learn how to lead, how to love your wife, and how to provide for your family. Young ladies, you can learn how to follow, how to aid your husband in his calling, and how to take care of a home.
4) By the grace of Almighty God, our marriage will have the blessing of both sets of parents and both pastors.
A: Counsel is key in dealing with matters of the heart.
B: No 3 people know you better than your parents and your pastor.
C: Give them veto-power in this decision.
D: Beware of anyone who tries to drive a wedge between them and you.
"Courting is developing a relationship with an individual in the safety of a group. Dating involves a couple isolating themselves from others and thus leaving themselves open to temptation."
So let's move on to rule number 2......
2) By the grace of almighty God, I will arrive at the marriage altar morally pure.
If you were like me, you were asking yourself the question, "What does it mean to be morally pure??" I'm glad you asked! :) Morally pure means to be pure physically, emotionally, and mentally.
There are a lot of sub-points to rule #2, so we are going to look at a few of those.
A: Make a vow to the Lord and to your authority. There is absolutely nothing wrong with making a vow to God and to your parents that you are going to stay pure. In fact, it's a really good thing! Many people have heard of a purity/promise ring. This is something special between a girl and her parents (specifically the dad and the daughter). My dad did this for me. I made a vow to my parents and to God to stay pure until my wedding day. On my 14th birthday, Dad took me out to eat and gave me a promise ring as a symbol of the commitment I had made. Every time I look at this ring on my hand, I remember my promise to stay pure.
B: The first battleground of purity is fought in the mind. All throughout the Bible, there are verses upon verses that talk about how deceitful and wicked our hearts are. In order to protect our hearts, we must guard our eye-gates. What are you letting into your life that is destroying your mental purity? Is it movies? Books? Internet? Guard your eye-gates!! Don't let Satan have the victory in this area of your life.
C: Institute a firm "NO-TOUCH" rule. I can't stress the importance of this enough. As I have said in one of my earlier posts....one step always leads to another. It always starts with a little touching of the fingers, which leads to hand-holding, and so forth. A "no-touch" rule is so crucial in any relationship. You don't want to do something that you will regret later. Until the day you say "I do", there is still a chance that that person might not be the one for you. And trust me, you want to save every "first" for the man/woman that you marry. If you hold hands now, and break it off later, you will regret not saving that hand for the One. If you kiss now, and break it off later, you will regret not saving that kiss for the One. If you hug now, and break it off later, you will regret not saving that hug for the One. And...as my brother said in his message, "Stop touching other people's husbands/wives!!"
D: Never place yourself in a situation that can compromise your purity, never be alone.
Whoa! Did I just say never be alone??? Yes!! I sure did. This may be a "shocker" to some people, but it is so so important.
Look at Romans 13:14, "But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof." Make not provision for the flesh....that is so true! If we don't give our flesh an opportunity to sin, then it makes it less likely for us to sin! If we don't get alone in the car with a boy, then you will be less likely to kiss that same boy later when it gets "dark and cozy". As we said in the definitions earlier, Dating is developing a relationship by isolation and pushing the boundaries. I have made a rule for my life, that I will never be alone with a guy (until I'm married, of course). Now, I am not saying that I can never have a conversation with just a guy. I just always want to be in the sight of someone else. There is a difference between simply walking around the driveway or sitting on the porch, then driving alone in a car or going on dates alone. Make a rule to always be in the sight of someone else.
E: Understand the importance of properly timing and pacing the relationship.
F: Have a plan and stick to it.
3) By the grace of almighty God, I will arrive at the marriage altar prepared to fulfill my responsibilities as a spouse.
This goes back to what we said about how this is a time to prepare Young men, you can learn how to lead, how to love your wife, and how to provide for your family. Young ladies, you can learn how to follow, how to aid your husband in his calling, and how to take care of a home.
4) By the grace of Almighty God, our marriage will have the blessing of both sets of parents and both pastors.
A: Counsel is key in dealing with matters of the heart.
B: No 3 people know you better than your parents and your pastor.
C: Give them veto-power in this decision.
D: Beware of anyone who tries to drive a wedge between them and you.
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